Telepathic Haze

I have so much to tell you and I don’t know where to begin. 

I don’t even think I can tell you. 

Not all of it — not like the way the song that’s playing in this restaurant holds my gaze. An equally smooth rendition of John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ by a woman I don’t know named Jasmine. And how John Mayer playing outside the restaurant was abashedly the determining factor of my choice to dine, not the menu. And how this sappy playlist really sounds like it belongs on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy...and I like that enough to stay, and have a taste. 

I want to tell you about how on my way here, a scruffy little dog crossed a busy street as I gasped in horror all just to bite my legs. He scoffed at me with a hysterical bark while I spoke to my grandmother on the phone. I’ve never had a dog attack me before…

There is just so much to tell you and not enough for you to understand through only words. Especially, because it always takes me a few tries to get the sentences coming together just right. 

At this point, I feel like I’ll have to show you it all — as much as I can — with my body. 

Maybe when I dance with you, or make love to you again you’ll be able to know what it felt like to be in my body at that time and place. As a woman-human, this is one of my fiercer desires that leaves me often in dismay…

Or somehow I’ll see you and you’ll look right into my eyes and see, all that I have seen. Maybe in the silence you’ll hear every song that I have heard…

Oh, but I want to tell you. 

At least, I want to try.

And try I might! But I can see it now... 

How flustered and frustrated I can get with my tongue-tied up in mish-mashed words, and barely enough articulation in my sounds — even the most guttural — to express the moments I have been so close with. 

I see it in you, too; The way you so nobly share your stories with an enchanting amount of patience for your mouth to catch up to your mind. The devotion you give to the way the feelings unfold from your heart’s tongue, while you lay all twisted and splayed in my tiny bathtub. 

I see it in me; How I stay as present as can be so that I can feel, hear and sense where you were when you speak about swimming underneath the reflective moonlight, and how you sank to the bottom blowing bubbles from your nose while the universe seemed to engulf you fully in its embrace…

Hmmm…the truth is I saw it you know? 

I felt it, too. 

I want to tell you how this feels. I want you to be able to see, smell and taste it.

I want to show you by placing the palm of my hand on your cheek, on your face. Projecting the images onto the labyrinth of your brain, the screen that is your maze. I want you to know it through time, and through space. Through what I call now: a telepathic haze.

Showing you the unseen and all of the in-between’s through the only thing I can boldly claim as my superpower; love. 

These days it’s the one thing, the only thing…

That pressed up against all of my vulnerability — reveals my quietest…greatest…strength.

Messages for You

So I will rest and wait, and breathe life into you from afar. 

I will breathe life into the spaces that hurt and the places you feel pain. I will do it from afar, so that you'll get the messages from the trees and me; swaying and rustling in the wind. You'll hear my love in the way river flows, and by watching the grass grow. 

Slow down, to me. 

Believe in me, I'm there. 

I have not left you, yet. 

I'm in the sounds of the thunder's electric rush, in another's touch. Even when I'm angry you'll know me there. I'm swinging by your side when you feel the most alive, I'm there when you go for a joy ride. 

Believe in me, my love.

My kisses will be the dreams that brush against your cheeks, when your knees get weak. That's me there. Even in your sadness, you can feel me as the darkness that swallows you; the cries we share.

My embrace is in the sweetest things you taste. It's in all the things you waste. 

I live in all the breaths you take. 

I am with you, from afar.

~vanessa faria

{on the stirrings: inside & around our bones, on top of & underneath our hearts}

What stirs you?

What is it that keeps stirring around in your head so much that it makes you sick?

What is it that pulls you into places that are creaky and hard to reach? So creaky you couldn't possibly make it across quietly, no matter how delicate your steps - the sound will still summon.

Where does your heart swell and your tummy heave? Where does your heart breathe and your mind bleed? 

How do you soothe the dis-ease? Do you fold and keel to the ground after all the pain breaks you, sends you down? Or do you just keep battling, circling, and weaving to no end. Resisting what it is that wants to be. 

If you die, what happens? If the stones, the walls, and the boulders that pretend to secure you crash down underneath and around you...Where would you be? 

Where might you go? 
Who would you see? 

Whence you fall...how gently, how delicately, might you stand back up? 

What's it going to take to break you? 
Because My God, I want to know. 

Is it going to be you? 
Can you do it? 
Not entirely alone, I'm sure.

So who will support you in your breakdown&breakthrough? Who will you choose to unravel all of the knots and bring forth your demons? 

And once it's all over. Once you've winced, and cursed, and cried a hundred times. Once you've gotten through the other side with further strides, will you notice them? 

Will you remember their efforts? 
And will you thank them? 

~ vanessa faria

A November's Kiss

The brushing of wind

The touching of skin

Up against the small golden light

Underneath an ebony sky

On a clear, crisp night

Pristine and precise

Beckons a delicate wish

That from the stars would arise

A November’s Kiss

One that sweeps up and gathers a warm face

in the center of chilled palms

The sensation that comes from rippling waves

How it feels to be bathed in soft moon rays

A kiss that takes it’s bittersweet time

getting close, unfolding

Nearing ever so gently with the heat of your breath

That unexpectedly lands on the lips of a stranger

for the sake of instant magnetism 

By the miracles of the gods, and goddesses that grace you

A kiss that brings everyone back to the peace of their heart

A kiss that says, you’re interesting. 

A kiss that shivers, I’d like to know you at your core.

A kiss that whispers, I see all of you — never again will you have to hide. 

A kiss that screams, I want you.

A kiss that begs, Hold on.

A kiss that promises, I’ll never leave you — my soul and your soul have no means to an end.

A kiss that sways, you’re stronger than you think to be.

A kiss that caves, and feels different all the time. 

A kiss that sways, in ways you never knew you’d find.

The brushing of wind

The touching of skin

Up against the small golden light

Underneath an ebony sky

On a clear, crisp night

Pristine and precise

Beckons a delicate wish

That from the stars would arise...

A November’s Kiss

— Vanessa Faria

Women Who Rise

{women who rise}

let it be that our wilderness becomes less of a 'thing' and more of a being

that we start to love ourselves so fiercely, the ‘wild’ appears only to evaporate

into ultimate divinity

we are wild and we are one

we are wilding 

but our wildness never left us, never gone

all we need to do is rise

in our essence, in our truth

in how we love ourselves

and how we share our love of self with the world

rising from our pitfalls

from the things that keep us stagnant and stuck

resting in our feminine energy, balancing the masculine urgency

this 'wilding' we all speak of 

how do we want it to reveal itself?

on the daily

consistently 

truthfully

lovingly 

in integrity, with authenticity

we need not to ‘re-wild’ ourselves

but only to celebrate, commemorate where we’ve been

and who we are now

where we’re going

and what’s unfolding for the holding

what are we creating now?

women of the wild, 

how do we want to rise?

— vanessa faria