I have so much to tell you and I don’t know where to begin.
I don’t even think I can tell you.
Not all of it — not like the way the song that’s playing in this restaurant holds my gaze. An equally smooth rendition of John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ by a woman I don’t know named Jasmine. And how John Mayer playing outside the restaurant was abashedly the determining factor of my choice to dine, not the menu. And how this sappy playlist really sounds like it belongs on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy...and I like that enough to stay, and have a taste.
I want to tell you about how on my way here, a scruffy little dog crossed a busy street as I gasped in horror all just to bite my legs. He scoffed at me with a hysterical bark while I spoke to my grandmother on the phone. I’ve never had a dog attack me before…
There is just so much to tell you and not enough for you to understand through only words. Especially, because it always takes me a few tries to get the sentences coming together just right.
At this point, I feel like I’ll have to show you it all — as much as I can — with my body.
Maybe when I dance with you, or make love to you again you’ll be able to know what it felt like to be in my body at that time and place. As a woman-human, this is one of my fiercer desires that leaves me often in dismay…
Or somehow I’ll see you and you’ll look right into my eyes and see, all that I have seen. Maybe in the silence you’ll hear every song that I have heard…
Oh, but I want to tell you.
At least, I want to try.
And try I might! But I can see it now...
How flustered and frustrated I can get with my tongue-tied up in mish-mashed words, and barely enough articulation in my sounds — even the most guttural — to express the moments I have been so close with.
I see it in you, too; The way you so nobly share your stories with an enchanting amount of patience for your mouth to catch up to your mind. The devotion you give to the way the feelings unfold from your heart’s tongue, while you lay all twisted and splayed in my tiny bathtub.
I see it in me; How I stay as present as can be so that I can feel, hear and sense where you were when you speak about swimming underneath the reflective moonlight, and how you sank to the bottom blowing bubbles from your nose while the universe seemed to engulf you fully in its embrace…
Hmmm…the truth is I saw it you know?
I felt it, too.
I want to tell you how this feels. I want you to be able to see, smell and taste it.
I want to show you by placing the palm of my hand on your cheek, on your face. Projecting the images onto the labyrinth of your brain, the screen that is your maze. I want you to know it through time, and through space. Through what I call now: a telepathic haze.
Showing you the unseen and all of the in-between’s through the only thing I can boldly claim as my superpower; love.
These days it’s the one thing, the only thing…
That pressed up against all of my vulnerability — reveals my quietest…greatest…strength.