Let me find...I am your Mama.

Today I lead my heart as it wants to sway and cry and attach to dreams I can't fulfill.

Experiences that are out of reach on my own. 

May I find the other soul that will make it so. 

~*~

And yet, in ten thousand ways I am feeling like I've lost you. 

My child, I have the feeling you want to arrive. And I'm wandering in this world it seems, as though you were taken away. As though you were once mine as then all of a sudden gone. I don't know where you disappeared to..

Someone, something, somehow you were gone. 

My child, I wander in this world searching for you. All I can think is how lost I am without you. My child, my children; never leave.

Mama is here.

Mama is here, right here.

Never leave, never lose me. I am always right here.

Feel my heart how it beats full of you. Of your blood and your breath and your soul and the sparkles that light me up inside are the pieces that will make up you.

Let me find the other half of you. Let us know each other by love, let us know by the sparkles that fly out of us when we're together so we'll recognize our devotion to you. Let us find each other. All over again but different — and new. In this special time and in this special place. Let us find you.

Today my child, my darlings, my children — all of you — my heart beats and body grows and carries but a thousand threaded moments to reach you. A thousand and a million kisses, for your precious face.

I am ready. Countless hugs as strong and as loving will assure you of the wholeness that is your mama. I am your mama.

Yes, I hear you sweet child. I chose you too. Just as you have chosen me.

Everything I that I can, I will do.

I will prepare for you. In the coming weeks.

I feel you with me. 

Yes, I hear you. 

I hear you. 

Thank you for visiting, Thank you for visiting.

Out of reach on my own. Let me find the other half of you. Let us know you by love.

Let us find you.

Empty chairs, Full spirits

I look at the chair across this wooden table on my rooftop. And for a moment I pretend that it were filled with my beloved. 

But right now as it stands, it’s an empty wooden chair. It’s old and it’s partially broken.

And as lonely as that might seem to be. As lonely as that’s often made me, today — it doesn’t. 

There’s a calmness in my heart. There’s a lift in my spirit today that is nourished by the sun rays beating down on my chest and legs. Sunbathing in my lingerie. I feel the heat on my palest skin. And it warms just like a body would. 

It doesn’t mean I’m sitting here imagining what you might be — as I often do — instead I don’t care what you might be like or how you show up. Instead the romance here lies in the way I live. The way I live with conscious knowing; you are here. You are here with me. Today you are here with me. You must be. For, without you my heart couldn’t possibly feel so complete.

Not always made by physical, tangible presence sometimes it’s another kind that we are seeking. Of someone, of some place. 

It’s more like the presence of knowing that holds our gaze. 

And today I feel my lover sitting there, even though there is no true embrace. 

I can’t help but think that my clarity in this moment is for holding on to memories I will share with you. They are part of the stories I will tell you. The stories we will tell each other of how long we both have waited. Searched. Found. Let go of. Hoped for. Called out and remembered again. 

A final time. 

It is one of my deepest hopes that the one out there feels and retains with similar intentions; To share with each other at a later date. 

That they know as well as I do, they’ll be finding me someday.

Here's To...

Here's to How —

How we do not know the way things will turn out

How we don't always see 

exactly when it will all show up

Here's to how we wonder, 

Here's to how we worry

Here is to how much? How many, and however…

However long it takes

Whichever way it decides to get here

I will not worry any longer

However which way, 

However which day

Here's to How

However it may..

Rose Clove Exfoliant {Recipe}

Here is a quick recipe I discovered after an awesome rose facial treatment at Laya Spa on Queen St. (Thanks for the inspiration!) It was the perfect little take-home DIY luxury I was searching for. It's an astringent and potent facial scrub that's great for exfoliating and removing dirt in clogged pores and leaves you feeling soft and feminine and your face bright and polished. 

Now, I usually just eyeball everything when it comes to baking, cooking or making things as I find it really fun to explore the process of creating it more than anything. However, I've made up a bit of a recipe for anyone who's been asking about it. Here it is!

Rose Clove Facial Exfoliant

- three tablespoons of a lighter organic honey

- one tablespoon of finely ground up organic clove

- four drops of organic rosehip essential oil

- a pinch of organic rose buds

Grind up the clove either by hand or in a preferred grinder. If you choose to do it by hand know that you may have some chunkier pieces fly into the mix and clove is quite a hard spice. Mix all of the ingredients together until you have a paste that is a medium thick or your personal desired consistency. Then transfer to a small jar or container and use a few times a week! 

Enjoy!